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I ruined my career as a music artist. The years are passing by and the amount of regret and guilt are eating me alive.
Hello everyone. First of all thank you for reading this and giving attention to my story I'm about to share. I want to mention this is a throwaway account because I feel shy talking about this subject. It is something personal to me. To give you some quick background information about what's going on: - I'm currently 27 years old while my "career" has ended 7 years ago. In all this time in between, I've had the desire to achieve something similar but so far without the success I had imagined. Here we go...
When I was 12 years old, I had the desire to become an artist (a DJ/Electronic music artist). I had tons of ambition and motivation and had set my goal for life. From that point in my life I kept pursuing it and put in the hard work to achieve it. It was literally the thing that kept me awake at night. I imagined and visualized my dream of standing on a stage in front of 10k people and playing my own music. I visualized one of my idols supporting me and my music. That was the person I looked up to, the guy who sparkled my fire and inspired me to achieve something similar.
Years went by where I got laughed at on every online forum possible. My music sucked, I was too confident about my thing and people basically told me it was pure shit haha. Yet it did not stop me from pursuing my dream. I was the little kid amongst older guys being better at this music production thing. It was fun to be honest. After 3 or 4 years, when I was around 16 my music got noticed by someone bigger than myself. My music started to get noticed by local clubs and "famous" DJ's. They started playing it every single week in clubs and reached out to me. That's where it all began. Somebody I looked up to emailed me and wanted to make a song together. That's what opened many doors for me. Eventually, it led to releasing (and distributing) a real song under my name and having more support and plays as I wished for.
After a few more musical releases, I got approached again. This time by one of the biggest artists within this scene. I had the luck this scene was very local and everything happened in my country. So we met up. I was a shy little kid who took the train to cross the country to meet one of my idols. This was a big day. I felt like the luckiest and happiest kid alive. A dream coming true. My dream of being a star and realizing my goals didn't seem far away.
Things went well from this point. It took some time but eventually near the time I graduated I was ready and settled to make this my business and job. I was happy, around 18 years old. And I was playing shows around the globe and earning a nice amount of money per booking. The fans and "likes" kept coming in and it seemed like I established some sort of fanbase. This was the life I imagined. My goal seemed reached and I was happy.
As I grew older I started to become a bit more pessimistic or perfectionistic.. or both. There are a lot of fake things going on in the music business and I was not the type of artist who likes to play along with that. I felt real. I spoke real (to my fans, on my social media pages, etc), and I acted that way. I want to mention that at this same period of my life, my family was putting some sort of pressure on me that I should find a part-time job for some extra income. Since I didn't play shows every week, I didn't generate a stable income doing music alone. Yet this was the goal, and this was perfectly possible as almost everyone in my crew was making a living from this. I want to mention that "my crew" was my record label / booking agency where I was part of. I kept believing that this was possible but due the pressure and stress my family gave me I think I started to doubt myself at some point. Although I was living my dream and touring the world, my family didn't push or believe it enough so they would suggest me to find a parttime job. I hated that. Every time they brought that up it made me annoyed because I just wanted to focus on my career and because I knew I could pull this off.
My career was still in a good line at that time. It was also the time I was smoking cannabis. I became an addict. It was something I did on a daily basis and I think it had a negative impact on my behavior and work ethic to produce music. It also had an impact on my social media posts and thoughts about the music industry.
Eventually, everything let to the point where I made a social media post which my label and booking agency didn't like, at all. It was so "off-track" for them that they decided to cancel some of my bookings for that upcoming summer. My post was about justice, and I shared some of my thoughts on the "fake" aspect of this music business because it made me extremely annoyed how people could achieve the same things putting in less work than I did (friends, connections, money..). As my label and booking agency supported those fake activities as well, they were kind of pissed that I shared those honest words in front of my fans online.
Since I was a honest person, stubborn, and perfectionistic, I was like "fuck this" and basically never made contact again with them. Eventually this led to my last booking and then my career died. To this day (7 years later), I still get spotify plays from those old songs, and I still get messages every now and then of people asking what happened and why I stopped making this music.
I would like to mention that my interest for that specific genre was fading away near the time I made that post on my social media. Don't get me wrong, obviously, I would've loved to keep doing it as my job. But personally it just wasn't touching me that much anymore as there were other genres that started to appeal to me more.
Here is an important thing I remember telling my dad at the age of 20, after destroying my career and right before starting some labour work which I absolutely hated. "Dad, I'm going to do this job maximum 3 months before I'm off on another musical adventure in another style!". So far 7 years have passed hopping jobs and not saving a lot of money. It's only been 2 years I finally been able to quit smoking cannabis. I have made tons of songs in all those years, and removed tons of songs completely from my computer because I hate them at some point and I get angry because of everything. I get a few plays a month on Spotify with my new musical project but it never really took off. I decided to abandon my previous name and start from scratch because I didn't want any connection to my older project. The closest I got to achieving something big was another famous artist reaching out because he liked one of my songs, but eventually it led to nothing (unfortunately). I have not played a single show as my new project and haven't got close to being successful or making this my job, at all. As the years are passing by and I'm slowly starting to realize I'm no longer the "golden boy" (aka the little 13 year old kid with big dreams) it starts to eat me and devastate me mentally. It's a big part of my life and the dream is still alive but it feels like the fire or belief that I will get there is slowly fading away. There have barely been days that I did not make music but no matter how much I produce or whatever genre or style I try, it doesn't seem to take off. At this point, and for the last year, or 2-3 years, it has become worse.. I highly doubt every step I take and I feel like I cannot make any decision at all for my musical path anymore. I changed my artist name multiple times and even while writing this post I still think the name isn't good enough and I should start another project from scratch. I basically like a lot of genres and I can't seem to make a choice on what I really wanna go after. The musical world has exploded so much with social media and everything right after my career died and there just seems to be too much choice and things going on. I cannot seem to find the right path and I can't find my fire and ambition like I had when I was younger. Every now and then I still look back at my musical colleagues which I abandoned 7 years ago and see what they are up to, what the music sounds like and how successful they are right now. It makes me feel worse but some part of me likes looking at it and imagined what I could've become. The fact of seeing them so successful right now and still doing their dream job just makes me even more sad realizing its been 7 years and I'm still living at home, hopping jobs and thinking how to take off on another musical path. Last year I have met the most amazing girlfriend in the world, and in the meantime I found some other hobbies that I'm passionate about such as trading in forex and doing visuals. But I feel like it will never replace music since that's like my main-quest in life. If I think about it, being able to do shows again and make an income being a music artist would make me the happiest person alive but there's no way I'm going back to my older project and certainly no way I'm going to knock on the door of my label and say 'Whatsup' after 7 years. Without a doubt, my behavior and stubbornness led to the most stupid choice I ever made in my life. Thanks for reading along. I might delete this post later because I feel like I shared too much personal stuff and it makes me insecure. Although I want to admit it felt good writing all of this. Peace.
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A hedge fund is an aggressively managed portfolio of investments that makes use of leveraged, lengthy, short and by-product positions. Credit Suisse came underneath fireplace from U.S. regulators for allowing its nicely-identified consumer confidentiality to help others avoid paying taxes. The firm has CHF 796 Billion in assets, equivalent to about $800 billion USD. The company has a serious U.S. presence, partially pushed by its merger with First Boston with a relationship going back to 1978. Eric Rosenberg lined small business and investing products for The Balance. Information Generational Group publishes on the World Wide Web may include references or cross references to other products, applications and providers that are not announced or out there in your nation. Lower middle market companies principally use mezzanine finance as a capital supply for acquisitions, although it can also be used for development capital, in addition to other monetary needs. 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Investment banking compensation could not range all that much between working for one of many largest bulge bracket banks as in comparison with a smaller, elite boutique bank. While the bigger banks commonly handle bigger offers, those offers are few and much between smaller deals.
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are monetary establishments or intermediaries that deal mostly with mid-market corporations, particularly for raising debt or fairness capital in addition to mergers and acquisitions.
Today, massive banks cater to their traditional clients, which incorporates particular person prospects and both massive and small corporations by providing savings and checking accounts, certificates of deposit, loans and similar companies.
Many of them also have companies that operate as funding banks, and work with corporate and institutional shoppers by offering underwriting of inventory offers, brokerage, and M&A advisory.
The definition of a business financial institution has advanced dramatically up to now a number of decades.
Middle market firms are mid-size companies having annual revenues from $10 million up to $500 million and one hundred to 2,000 staff.
Bank Of China focuses primarily on industrial banking actions similar to deposits and withdrawals, and international exchange. The bank also is even licensed to issue banknotes in Hong Kong and Macau. We specialize in delivering dependable, creative and compelling financing options to middle market corporations backed by personal equity sponsors. The firm’s credit experience also forms the inspiration of our Late Stage Lending enterprise and our Broadly Syndicated Loan funding program.
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Middle Market Investment Bank Salaries In The United States
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So I've been living with my girlfriend , our dog, her mom and boyfriend, and older brother who's 38 years old. My girlfriend and I pay a portion of the rent. I upgraded the internet and pay the difference. Her brother doesn't work or pay rent, and has two children who he sees once a month and doesn't pay child support... I could go on but yeah. In the household I share a bedroom with my girlfriend, and there is also a extra room which is directly 3 feet from her brothers room. I use the extra room often because it has my desktop computer in there. I'm a avid gamer, i wear headphones so no one can hear my audio, and I stream frequently so i can be talkative. And I understand I can be loud at times, and with that I keep the door shut when I'm doing so, but there are times throughout the day where it gets extremely hot so I leave the room door open for circulation. Sometimes I want my dog to be able to come in the room and chill with me, and be able to freely walk out. When ever I am in the room he always shuts my door. Even when I am pretty quiet. The only thing that makes noise is my keyboard and the chair i am sitting on.. and random burps lol. Meanwhile he leaves his room door open playing sh*t lo-fi music while studying forex trading thinking hes going to do that for a living with no income source. He also plays sh*tty free games with horrible audio that plays throughout the day down the hall in our home. Anyways I confronted him one day after he shut my door when i just burped randomly while on the computer not making any other noise. I said "Why do you always have to shut my door to the computer room" he stated "Because you are being disrespectful by burping".I laughed and said "burping? Its normal *laugh*, and if you really cared you should shut your door if you don't want to hear anything". he then said "no" then I said "no one wants to hear your music either we can hear it coming down the hall." he then said "no i don't have to." Then I walked away and the conversation ended. TLDR - Gf's bro thinks i'm to loud and shuts my door. It seems he just wants to be the alpha male in the household. I'm 2x his size.Should I confront him the next time again he does it , go shut his door? Am I being petty by making this a issue or should I let him do what he wants? Should I tell him to get earbuds/headphones like I use? Anytime i confront him about an issue he gets real defensive and I can see him getting mad real quick.
I live alone and could use extra time e.g. evenings, weekend, to earn something on the side. Even before corona, I've always been a stay-in-the-house person when away from work. I have a computer and reliable internet connection at home and feel like they're resources that are being wasted. For quite a while now, I've been signed up to some online working platforms. I usually bid on jobs but I have never ever landed or been considered for any. Even some that seem pretty simple involving things like copying & pasting, data entry, typing etc. Anyone here who's had better luck and landed work on these platforms? Btw, please don't mention/suggest forex trading.
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